Autonomy as Spiritual Practice: Lindsey Melden Interview (Safe Spiritual Spaces Interview Series)
Another installment in a series about what makes a safe/healthy spiritual space
Welcome back to the Safe Spiritual Spaces Interview Series, where we hear from writers, artists, therapists, clergy, practitioners, and other voices who do work at the intersections of spirituality, creativity, and justice. For each post in this series, I’ll ask our guests the same four questions, and they will share from their wisdom, experience, and research.
Today, we welcome Lindsey Melden!
Tell us a little about your work…
Thank you so much for inviting me to join this series! I am a work-at-home mom of three awesome kids, a former teacher, and a writer. I write in my newsletter about the intersection of books that I am currently reading and my tarot practice—and other interests of mine, like disability, mothering, and leaving fundamentalism! I would say my work right now, especially as it pertains to this topic, is cultivating a safe spiritual space for my kids. As a former evangelical, indoctrinated from birth, raised in the church and christian school, it is incredibly important for me to give my children the freedom and autonomy that I didn’t have growing up. I want to give them a foundation of family traditions, songs, and values—but without the fear and indoctrination!
In your experience and/or research, what are some of the things that make a spiritual space safe?
When I think about a spiritual safe space, the first things that come to mind are trust and autonomy. There has to be trust that the people gathering together have each other’s best interest at heart, that there is mutual support and love without hierarchy, and that each person is responsible for themselves. When it comes to kids, I think this also means trusting that they are whole humans as they are. They are not clay needing to be shaped, or a vessel needing to be filled. They bring their own spiritual gifts and sensitivities, and it’s my job to honor them and allow them to flourish. When I make spiritual spaces for our family, I work to make a peaceful, safe environment that is inviting and then I let my kids control how much they want to participate—I may expect them to sit with us for a meal or a prayer or a meditation, but they don’t have to join in. They can choose to sit quietly, or color or play with fidgets instead of sitting on a meditation cushion. I want them to trust that they are enough and they are loved regardless of what they choose to believe or how they choose to participate in our spiritual space.
What advice would you give to someone looking for a safe spiritual space after religious trauma?
I have honestly been making my own space. We left evangelicalism and made our way to the Episcopal church, which gave us much more theological breathing room, but unfortunately we are taking a break from gathering after some interpersonal challenges post-COVID. My best advice would be to cultivate and cherish your inner knowing. Religious trauma really cuts us off from ourselves—our bodies, our joys, our intuition. As you heal those wounds, your true self can slowly reemerge. If you can listen to that voice, you may find your own deeply healing ways to make spiritual space. For me, that healing has led to my tarot practice, daily meditation, reconnecting with our sacred land (the Great Lakes are my spiritual safe space), altar building, and following the wheel of the year with my kids.
Anything else you’d like to share about this topic or your current projects?
There is a poem by Rune Lazuli that says, “Inside the chaos, build a temple of love.” This has been a guiding light in my spiritual journey since I left fundamentalism. It is especially compelling in the context of the chaotic last few years. And since I love books, I thought I’d end with a few favorites around this topic of spiritual spaces.
First, I’d recommend for anyone healing from religious trauma but still longing for ritual and spiritual connection: For Small Creatures Such As We by Sasha Sagan (Carl Sagan’s daughter!)
And for anyone looking to connect with the wheel of the year or build spiritual safe spaces for children, I’d recommend the Seasonal Collection from Wynstones (seasonal songs & poems), and if you want to incorporate church festivals as well, Tomie DePaola’s Through the Year is a great book to reference, along with all of his other beautiful folklore. Another great one in the christian tradition is The Hopeful Family by Amelia Richardson Dress.
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Please join me in thanking Lindsey Melden for her words and wisdom. And you should definitely go check out her newsletter and the other resources she shared today.
May we all seek and honor each other’s spiritual autonomy in whatever spaces we inhabit!
In Wonder,
Kandi Zeller (she/her)
What a lovely piece! I’m really grateful for the resources shared at the end. I’ve been struggling to catch a vision for how to invite my 4-year-old into my spiritual practices. She’s at an age where she’d be learning bible stories and songs and memorizing short verses if we were in church. I can’t provide that kind of structure for her, since my spiritual life is so fluid right now. I’d love to be able to invite her into a form of communal storytelling, but without indoctrination. But I’m not sure how to do that. I’m looking forward to checking out the resources you’ve shared for ideas.
I also love the focus on autonomy and trust. Granting myself and my daughter autonomy feels like a trust fall into aspects of our humanity I’ve been taught to fear.
Two of my favorite Substackers in one place! Thank you Lindsey and Kandi for this. I loved the insights and books shared here. Autonomy and trust–who'da thunk those two were so important, or that the lack thereof would be so harmful??