About Pain: 7 Practices that Help Me Cope

Some small things that make a difference on the bad days...

As I write this, I’ve been dealing with a pretty bad interstitial cystitis flare for a while, though I am finally starting to see some relief.

During the worst of it, one of you asked a great question: Would you consider writing about how you cope with your pain? I thought it was a great question, so I jotted down some notes and am now finally getting around to putting those notes into an actual post.

I want to preface this by saying that coping with pain is something that I think looks different for every person. So I don’t think anything I’ll say here will be new information for anyone on the chronically ill/disabled journey. But I can share some things that I’ve figured out, through trial and error, help me when, after doctors have done everything they can, I’m still left with a lot of pain.

DISCLAIMER: As always, this list is not going to work for everyone…and please, please, please talk with a healthcare professional if you are experiencing severe pain and/or you are trying something new to manage that pain. Your pain is valid, and you deserve care. I know the medical system is so incredibly broken and unjust, and too often, people disabled by pain are accused of being lazy or morally wrong just by existing, and that is wrong. I just want to hold space for all of that. I am primarily going to focus on spiritual comforts, since I am not a medical professional, which is always the resource I am going to recommend first for severe pain.

• Validating my body: I often recite affirmations, speaking gently and kindly to my body. “I honor that you are trying to let me know you need something, and I thank you. I might not know what’s wrong, but know that you are heard and that I am working to address it. It might take a while, but your message is heard and appreciated.”

• Remembering that pain is usually cyclical: With my particular conditions, my pain is often cyclical, ebbing and flowing. I remind myself that pain won’t last forever and will change, like the phases of the moon.

• Crying and cussing: There are big emotions with pain. You need an outlet, and sometimes that just looks like crying and cussing. And that is okay. I’ve written before about swearing as spiritual practice, and also, this research about swearing as pain reliever is rather delightful.

• Calling on support: I reach out to people around me, as well as call on all the names of God and divine community that mean something to me. (For me, that’s Creator, Jesus, Father, Holy Spirit, the Shekinah, Spirit, Mama, Kyrie Eleison, Mystery, Love, the saints/moon/other aspects of creation, etc.). In the presence of Love, I name my needs and declare what I’m feeling in the moment, remembering I am not alone.

• Allocating spoons: During times of severe pain, there’s just not the same amount of energy. Some things are just going to fall through the cracks. For me, that often means picking one big thing I want to do or need to do, plus basic essentials. Some days, it’s just the basic essentials: eating, drinking water, sleeping, keeping a roof over my head (working), paying attention to changing symptoms and keeping in touch with my husband, housemates, and health care providers in case something changes severely. And it’s enough. And don’t be afraid to ask for help (see previous point).

• Nervous system regulation in general: When I’m not panicked, the pain is more bearable. I’ve written about some of the tools I use for nervous system regulation here.

• Emergency wonder: I’ve written about this concept before here, but I define emergency wonder as any practice that requires very few spoons and results in an instant sense of wonder and hope. And those small things can be surprisingly powerful in helping me through the pain.

What about you, readers? If you’re comfortable sharing, what are things that help you cope with pain?

You are enough.

In Wonder,

Kandi Zeller (she/her)

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Website: kandizeller.com

Instagram: @kandi.zeller