Boundaries as Spiritual Practice: Some Resources for the Journey
Skills, swearing, support, and so much more...
If you grew up in any high-control space, you likely know the healing power of boundaries. But you also likely know that applying those boundaries to your life is a long-term and multi-faceted process. And for me, that process has been spiritual1, because it meant finding a way to connect to divine2 love and community in a new and healthier way than I had in the past.
That’s why I wanted to include a few of my favorite boundaries-centered resources for whatever your boundary-setting journey might look like:
Doing a values exercise. My therapist had me do one of these, and it has helped me clarify why I make the decisions I do, including decisions surrounding complex boundaries.
Lindsay C. Gibson’s books. My favorite has been this workbook.
Songs about boundaries. My favorite anthems right now? “First Place I Go” by Avi Kaplan, “Shedding Skins” by Fia, “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor, “Broken Horses” by Brandi Carlile, “I Don’t Owe You Shit” by Emily Roberts, “cinderella’s dead” and “this is how i learn to say no” by EMELINE, “Mama Didn’t Raise No” by ASTON, “New Rules” by Dua Lipa, “Vampire” by Olivia Rodrigo, “Supernova” by Tess Posner, and “The Only Way Out” by Danielle Ponder.
And so—through the skills, the swearing, and the support of the above—I’ve found some healing from the damage done by high-control religious systems.
Here’s to boundaries and healing for all of us.
And I want to know: what boundary resources have been helpful on your journey? Let me know in the comments!
In Wonder,
Kandi Zeller (she/her)
When I describe or experience any tool/practices as spiritual, I want to acknowledge that that is not everyone’s experience. Any practice/tool I share is meant for all, regardless of spiritual label (or lack of label) or whether you experience these tools as spiritual or as some other adjective(s). Labels, while helpful in describing our experiences, are ultimately insufficient, so I want to hold space for that tension here.
As both a witch and a Christian, my understanding of how God expresses Godself is expansive. Basically, I conceive of spirituality as our experience with divine love and connection. But even that feels a little religious-y. Put another way, I believe spirituality is the place where we as individuals and communities connect with the “force of love that holds up the universe” (in words sometimes attributed to Julian of Norwich), whether we conceive of that love as divine or as the love shared between fellow humans/other creatures or some combination of both loves. It is the place within our bodies and our communities where we find love and connection with all who have come before and who will come after.
The boundary I’ve really been trying to establish and live by is this: it’s not my responsibility to make anyone comfortable with my body or my taking up space. It’s a hard one for somebody that literally apologizes at the drop of a hat for nothing. I love the values exercise. Especially the stickers. 💜
Thanks for reminding us about boundaries for self protection, Kandi. I have been learning to recognize and listen to that inner discomfort (anxiety or anger) when my boundaries are crossed. I didn't used to recognize those signs and didn't know why certain people made me uncomfortable. Now I do and can communicate my boundaries. Feels a lot better!