Self-Care as Spiritual Practice: Adulting as Ritual
On finding the small things that increase our sense of belovedness...
“You’re worth the time it takes to learn a new skill.”
— Mercury Stardust, Trans Handy Ma’am
I love the above quotation (and all of Mercury’s stuff, frankly) because they challenge and inspire me in such a non-shamey way.
As a neurodivergent human who grew up in fundamentalism, self-care skills were either examples of demanded obedience or things that were too “worldly” to spend the proper time on.1
These days, in radical resistance to that push-and-pull vortex, I take care of my body.
I’m learning to put contacts in (so I can see during pole class)
I’m learning to do dishes in a way that is less of a sensory nightmare for me (hello silicone gloves!)
I’m learning to try out challenging make-up looks and learning about a basic skin care routine that works for me
I’m learning to call the doctor and set up an appointment for nagging health concerns, advocating for myself without shame
I’m learning to speak up for my wants, needs, and boundaries
I’m learning to make space for the small things—like art journaling, dance, painting (on canvas or nails), and tarot cards—that ground my day-to-day
In short, I am learning, in a sort of ritual way, how to know my belovedness. How to love myself like the Love I believe holds up the universe and connects us.2 How to make healthy choices for myself for the good of myself…and by extension the good of the community.
No hustle, no shame, no perfection. Just care. Community f*cking care.
And if that’s not spiritual3, not divine, I don’t know what is.
So let me know in the comments: how do you care for yourself, declaring your own belovedness through your very body?
In Wonder,
Kandi Zeller (she/her)
For more on this, definitely check out Krispin & D.L. Mayfield’s STRONGWILLED (where I have the honor of being on the editorial team)
My understanding of how God expresses Godself is expansive. Basically, I conceive of spirituality as our experience with divine love and connection. But even that feels a little religious-y. Put another way, I believe spirituality is the place where we as individuals and communities connect with the “force of love that holds up the universe” (in words sometimes attributed to Julian of Norwich), whether we conceive of that love as divine or as the love shared between fellow humans/other creatures or some combination of both loves. It is the place within our bodies and our communities where we find love and connection with all who have come before and who will come after.
When I describe or experience any tool/practices as spiritual, I want to acknowledge that that is not everyone’s experience. Any practice/tool I share is meant for all, regardless of spiritual label (or lack of label) or whether you experience these tools as spiritual or as some other adjective(s). Labels, while helpful in describing our experiences, are ultimately insufficient, so I want to hold space for that tension here.
Oh my gosh I was just talking about this! I love this post so much, I’m so glad you’re finding ways to care for and nourish yourself
Making doctor appointments as a spiritual practice is a huge reframe for me. I hate making phone calls anyway but for some reason when it's to doctors it makes me so much more anxious and stressed. Maybe if I start thinking about it as self-care, and that my body, my whole self is worth taking care of, it'll make those calls easier. 💙