Being “Both/And” as Spiritual Practice: Or Why I Love Whimsigothic Fashion

On resisting through self-expression and special interests...

Have you ever been asked to hold back parts of yourself to belong?

I have too. But my religion has always called me to something more expansive: a cosmic-scale upending of unjust systems and false dichotomies.

First being last,

The poor being blessed,

The rich being cast down,

Death turned into resurrection,

Heaven and earth becoming one,

Love conquering hatred.

Of all of the cosmos being connected by the stardust we all came from.

Of an ever-churning wheel of seasons, deaths, and rebirths.

Of my neurodivergent self rebelling—chafing—against a myriad of societal check boxes.

I am both/and. Dramatically so.

Full of horror and wonder at the world.

Full of sorrow and joy.

Lover of those who share my gender and those who don’t.

Christian and witch.

Entranced by the macabre and the whimsical alike.

Striving to be both strong and kind.

Like Persephone, an echo of an archetype of both the damned and spring, of life and death.¹

Trying to be a little gothic rainbow made of moody-hued flowers.

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It’s no surprise then, that when my special interests led me to self-expression through fashion, I fell head over heels in love with the whimsigothic aesthetic. I love the name, and I love this witchy look that combines my adoration of all things kooky, kitschy, dramatic, and darkly colorful. A look that expresses the contours, textures, and shapes of a spiritual journey that presses up against traumatic systems, cracks them open by their taboos, and resists via performance art.

I refuse to be just one thing: Whimsy. Gothic. Both. And.

An array of whimsigothic outfits I've tried and had so much fun with!

I will express my queer, disabled, and nuerodivergent joy across the spectrum of color, human emotion, nature, and the cosmos.

I will find wonder in everything, from the macabre to the whimsical. (Are they not two sides of the same coin?)

I will practice—in two words—whimsigothic magick. Transforming bits and pieces of foraged, thrifted, and handmade ephemera into a fabric story, spell, or song.

And however you like to express yourself, I wish the same magick in your life.

So tell me, how do you like to resist by expressing yourself—all the disparate pieces that you may have been asked to hold back to belong? How are you both/and? Let me know in the comments.

In Wonder,

Kandi Zeller (she/her)

KandiZeller.com

1. I was originally introduced to this concept through a much meme-d quote from Nichole McElhaney’s A Sisterhood of Thorns and Vengeance, which I have not read. Those memes sent me on a special interest research journey. As a result, I could talk about Persephone all day because I think, in her story, there are so many applicable metaphors for faith transitions in general, and I’m sure I’ll write more about all this in the future. In the meantime, here are two of my favorite art pieces about the myth of Persephone: this video about making a Persephone-inspired gown and Kiki Rockwell’s “From Persephone.”